March 4th: Small Breakthroughs for Marco (It is important to celebrate the things that seem small...)

One of Marco's big challenges is not talking directly to/at people. He talks up a blue streak, but not at us. In the past 3 months he has really begun to talk, talk, talk but it is all repetitive stuff, he repeats things after us but does not ask us for anything. (So at least we know there is language in there. I consider this a baseline, a place to work from. Not a negative thing :) )
The other day we were in the car, the 4 of us, and from the back seat comes a little voice: water...(the spelling is the same in English and Dutch, but he used the Dutch pronounciation). I looked at him and he repeated what seemed like a request. Of course we were in the car. Damn! Here Marco asks for something and we can not grant his request. 10 minutes later at my Mom's house, Aaron remembered his request, we gave him a little bottle of water (he loves having his own container, that is a typical small kid thing though) and he drank like he was dried out. The next day, the same thing happend, this time he asked for juice. We were in the car once again, but I had juice with me this time.
This morning we got to school, and I had a breakfast bar for Marco (stellar mommy that I am, sometimes I feed my kids prepared food.) I gave it to his tutor to give to him and she bent down to his level and asked him: Marco, do you want this? And he said "Yes". WOW. Sometimes it is interesting (I have no other words) to see what our SP's (Service Providor- anyone who works with our kids) can get out of our kids. If I let it, it can actually make me feel a little bit bad as in "why did I not think of this". But I have to remind myself that these people are here to HELP us, and we can learn from them if we actually allow ourselves. It is the best thing for the kid.

March 1, 2010: Overwhelmed & Letting Go (or Re-directing?) Dreams.

I think it is normal as a parent to sometimes get overwhelmed. I really seem to have reached something like it lately. There are times I feel I might not be exposing my kids to the opportunities out there for them. There are so many things I am not taking advantage of. Yes, it was my choice to work (I actually never really gave myself the choice, it was kind of an unspoken that I would continue to work.) Typically this is not that big a deal, I think, if you are a parent. We have a lot of extra-curricular activities for the kids though, just because of the nature of their dx-es. I hate when I can not take advantage of an opportunity for them. It stresses me out.
A the same time, I like riding horses. I have one horse I bought 6 years ago, for whom I had dreams. He is a nice horse, with talent. I got him for a good price. WHen I saw the ad, I remember the tingle in the back of my neck. This was my horse. I had a good time starting him. Took lessons, enjoyed that, looked forward to going to shows. Never did take him to a show though. That's OK, because the kids came instead. I always thought that I would get back to riding regularly and getting the horse ready for shows. "Maybe this year" I thought last year. Then Marco's Dx came. It really hit me for a loop, and even though I functioned pretty decently, I really had a hard time. Not only with the dx but most certainly the 6 months leading up to it. I was in denial but I knew something was up.
Now I am kind of dealing with Marco's dx, but I must honestly say it is harder than Annelies's. Why? I do not know. Is it because it is a second one, and it just is a little too much to deal with (well, of course we have to deal and we will. There is no question there.) Marco is doing better, he is making progress. But autism is such an unknown to me, such a black hole. What if he gets worse. Or God forbid, what if Annelies has it? Sometimes I drive myself up the wall worrying.
I have not been riding regularly. That stresses me out a lot too. Here is a nice horse who is not getting the attention he so deserves. (Luckily, all the horses are out in pasture, so they are not stuck in a stall, they get movement at least). Today I kind of hit rock-bottom and the thought came up that I might give up my horse. It will take some of the worry away of not spending time with him, and I can focus better on the kids and my work. It sucks to give up a dream, it really does. But maybe it is the best thing to do for now.
Maybe I will sleep on it.

Feb 26th, 2010: Speech

It occurred to me that I have not blogged in over a month, so it is time to share some thoughts and pictures. With Marco just 3 and Annelies at 15 months, speech is now a very central skill we focus on in our household. Besides going to his ABA school 5 hours a day M-F Marco also goes to ST 2 times 30 minutes at the Loomis School District (this just started) and he sees a ST once every 2 weeks (Eric, who has been working with Marco -us, really, I guess- for almost a year now.) It sounds like a lot, but Marco does really well with everything. Going from a full time schedule to a part time at the ABA school has been wonderful, he used to be just exhausted at the end of a day. Now he either goes home or to Daycare, and usually he gets a nap, which makes for a much happier little guy.

I was nervous as hell bringing him back to daycare. He had not been there for 2 months, and during that time received one-on-one input at his ABA school, and I was scared to death to bring him back to a less structured environment. On the other hand, I was happy for Marco to go to a less structured environment so he could have a chance to observe other kids, interact if he wants or do his own thing (they are not really strict, it is not even pre-school yet). It turned out a lot better than I thought. When I bring him at one, the kids are settling down for their naps, so the teacher has Marco's bed all ready to go. She sets his bed up near a table so he can play or finish his lunch if needed. He has been taking at least 1 hour naps there!!! That tells me that yes, he needs that nap still. Otherwise he is doing pretty well, he participates in things quietly.

There was a time when I was hoping for Marco to start repeating things we said. I was freaking out (on the inside) that he was not doing this, because it is such an important, logical step in a child's learning. Now he is in that repeating phase, and he has days where he just talks up a storm. Of course, now I am looking forward to some receptive conversation. LOL. I guess it is a parent thing. We want our kids to do well, no matter what is going on. But one thing hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday. This came after a conversation I had with a colleague who has a 4 1/2 year old who is getting ready to start KG. She is not sure if he will be ready, and some of this readiness has to do with speech. It hit me like a ton of bricks that a child's speech level does NOT indicate his/her INTELLIGENCE level. OK, I think I knew this deep down, but it was nice to kind of have that thought come to the forefront of my conscience (Hah, I don't mean to get all weird on you here...). Anyway, I am adding a pic of Marco having a Yuki moment.

Love to All XOXOXO

Jan 31, 2010: We Are Standing!!!

Look at what I found this morning when I came to get her out of bed! She is pretty proud of herself, too!

Jan 21, 2010: Happy 3rd B-Day Marco!!!

I can't believe he is 3 already. It seems like he was born just yesterday. And on the other hand it feels like a lifetime...

Marco's birth day was so incredibly special, such a wonderful beginning as a parent. We have been through our share of things over the past year, and Marco has rolled with the punches right along with us. There are plenty of moments where I worry about the future of my kids. Will they be independent one day, will they be happy, will they have an OK time in school or will they be teased? I think every parent goes through those moments, special needs or not (sometimes I hate the term 'special needs').
Today I made it a point to just relax and enjoy Marco. Enjoy the moments with him, especially picking him up from school and taking him to dinner before his Speech Therapy. We sat and enjoyed dinner and I took a picture of him. He asked me to turn off the lights when they came on, I explained to him that these were not lights I had any kind of control over. He tried to stand on the chair, I made him sit. He danced outside the window by shaking his booty, and made the people who were sitting on the other side laugh. I was told how cute he was, once again. (Good god, if I was given a dollar every time someone told me how cute he was I could send him to College one day. As it is I just hope he can become REALLY good at soccer.) Then we went to Speech Therapy. Probably could not have had a better B-day party for him if I had planned one. ST is really a kind of play therapy. Although maybe on the surface it looks like play, Marco is learning from it. He laughed a lot today. He has an incredible report with his ST that warms my heart. I am so glad that Marco bonds with people (besides his Dad and I) who help shape his life, from whom he learns. Many of Marco's behaviors do not point to autism at all, which makes me happy.

Now that Marco is 3, he will have his ST via the LUSD. I met Ms Gabby, who seems incredibly nice and like Eric, is gifted at what she does. I look forward to Marco's chance to spend some time in the classroom, to get a feel for what that is like. He will go to his ABA school only 5 hours a day (8-1) and on M-W-F he will go to daycare in the afternoon (both are near my work so I will shuttle him in the middle of the day). The same day care he was going to before he started ABA. It will be nice for him to be around kids and just get to BE a kid. Play and interact when he feels like it, but to not be forced into anything. I felt 40 hours of ABA was a little too much. I was bringing home an overly tired child every night, who did not even feel like having dinner. Now he will have some energy to spare, and I dare think he will actually absorb more. (That is just my mother gut-instinct, of course studies have shown that 40 hours of ABA is what is needed for the biggest amount of benefit. I am going with my gut...no study can beat a mother's gut instinct, right?!?!?!?)

Jan 18, 2010: Milestones

Proud Daddy

Wind-blown Annelies in front of Lake Tahoe

It has been a while since I wrote. Last entry was when Annelies and I were in Holland. It turned out to be a wonderful trip, Annelies and I both enjoyed ourselves tremendously.

It was good to see our guys again though, after almost 2 weeks! Marco had grown, and has many more words in his reportoire in both Dutch and English. He now counts in English really well, and in Dutch pretty well. At first he counted One-Two-Three-Four-Five-Six-Mama-Eight. So very cute. He laughs a lot, and communicates much better although he does not yet communicate very directly (we can not yet have a conversation with him). I got to a point last week where I asked Marco's ST if I will ever have a conversation with him. It is difficult because I see the kind of progress kids his age make and I get a little freaked out. I do not doubt Marco's abilities. He is also very careful but steady physically and he most certainly understands dangerous situations in play (he respects heights, for example). I still have to be careful in the parking lots but he seems to understand the urgency of staying with me. He is now mimicking both speech and actions a LOT, so I think he is developmentally going forward and will catch up at some point.

With Annelies, he is pretty cute. Annelies is crawling now, so to stimulate her, I put toys or her bottle on the floor for her to crawl to. Marco picks those things up and brings them to her, so cute.

We took 2 family day-trips up to the snow. Marco took some time to get used to the snow but before long he was throwing snow balls and running around in the snow. We are going up for a couple of days in February, looking very much forward to that.

Annelies is now crawling (really crawling, on all fours). We also started standing with her, where one of us sits in front of the table and she sits on a bent knee so she can pull herself up and sit back down on the knee. I am taking it one step further and making her bend one leg at a time. She got a great little rocking horse for her B-Day (Thanks Joan!!!) which she will be using a lot (I just put it together). Her balance is wonderful, and she loves to be in an upright position like that. Adding a couple of pictures of the kids....Will write more soon.

12/10/09: Annelies Goes International

The big day began with a telephone call to tell me we had an emergency with the system at work (I must say, neither of my kids kept or woke me up as much as this 'newborn' system we migrated 2 months ago, LOL. Thankfully I get PAID to deal with this system). There have been too many of these early mornings in the past month, but because we were getting ready to skip the country I had enough energy to deal with what I could before handing it off to my co-workers so I could finish up packing and bring Marco to school.
It was difficult to say goodbye to Marco. He cried a little (he usually does now, the school is still so new for him), which made it even harder. Marco is in good hands while I am gone, getting some quality Daddy-time, and the rest of the time will be with Oma or at school.
I was still packing when Leif arrived to take us to the airport. It was a nice drive to the airport, all the work-worries kind of dropped away and I felt so good getting away from it all and just not thinking about it anymore.
Check-in went quickly, I was in the line for families going through security so I had help from others (it is a bit of manouvering with a child and a stroller by yourself, but not impossible). When we boarded I kind of had a small feeling of "ohmygod, how are we going to survive the next 10 hours? Cheapass Dutch person I am, of course I did not get a seat for Annelies. She was going to be in my lap the whole flight (or on the floor or whatever I could pull together. If I can get something for free, by god, I will. So proud of my roots!!! I was thinking: will Annelies behave or will she be loud and abnoxious? Will I regret not shelling out that additional 800 bucks for another seat (Shit, that IS a lot of money), but that fear was alleviated quickly because there were a lot of kids around us who were louder than she normally tends to be (Yes, that is saying a lot because Annelies, like the Vlaming side of the family, has a good set of pipes and does not shy away from using them).
Takeoff was smooth, I had a bottle for her and she kind of fell asleep as she was drinking. One of the flight attendants came and brought us a crib for her that I was able to put in front of my feet. A word about the service on KLM when you travel with a baby: EXCELLENT. I was impressed and immediately put at ease. The aforementioned steward came and checked on us 4 times during the flight to ensure we were OK. I also sat next to a Mom who had a 5 month old who travels back and forth quite often (she is Dutch, lives in Oakland with her Husband who is from India whom she met when he was doing an MBA in NL). We talked and had a nice time.
Annelies woke up around 3 hours into the flight and was up for about 2 hours. I fed and played with her, then put her back in bed to let her fall asleep which she did. It was awesome. I had a little TV screen where I watched about 4 episodes of the Office and 2 whole movies with no interruption. I was in heaven. Any mother is going to understand me, no kids and no work, no phone just me and a pretty comfy seat (I had the wall in front of me so put up my feet) and my own little TV. That is how I got through the 10 hour flight very quickly. (Almost too quickly, LOL).
Right before we started to land, Annelies woke up (they had opened the little window covers and turned the lights back on) and I repeated the routine from takeoff with a bottle of milk for her, it went beautifully, no crying, no fuss. She is such a trooper!
I will post pics as soon as I can figure out how to load them to my account...