March 30, 2009: Marco and Rusty and the Water

Marco really likes water. He would probably eat his dinner in bath if we let him. He can hang over the sink for an hour and play with the water coming out of the faucet if we let him. When I do let him play, Rusty the cat is there immediately because, even though he gets fresh water, there seems to be nothing quite like being able to drink it from the faucet when it is running. It must be a cat thing...

Last weekend I took some pictures of them in our hallway bathroom in the mirror. I think they came out cute!

March 25th, 2008: Milestones

Annelies had her 4 month well-baby checkup today. I always anticipate these checkups because I am excited to find out her weight and height, to see how she is growing. I did this with Marco also. Since Annelies has been a lot more interactive (smiling, making faces back at us, following us around the room with her eyes and head- especially Marco-), I felt pretty good about her progress. Our Doctor is always glad to see us, she has a warm spot for Annelies. That is a good feeling also. Annelies was not so thrilled about being undressed to get on the scale. Just like most women, I guess. Who wants to get on the scale? She had just eaten, so her weight was a bit inflated but the scale kept flipping between 13 lbs and 12. 15 1/5, so we settled on the 12 lb, 15.5 oz (since she had just finished drinking about 4 oz). Her length is 24 1/2 inches. That puts her at 50% for her weight and 75% for her lenght on the regular charts! This is great news, we are thrilled she is growing so well. She is getting ready for some solid foods soon (some applesauce and sweet potato like we did for Marco).

Annelies is developing really well. The PT comes every week, and is thrilled with her progress. She has almost complete neck control, and wants to roll over but is not there yet. So physically she is starting to show some delays, but is still within normal range. I am beginning to learn what's normal for her, and will be comparing her to herself rather than to other children, or god forbid, milestones in books. I did that with Marco and drove myself insane. I am learning that it is so important to enjoy the moments with her (and with Marco, who is taking his sweet time learning to speak, and that is OK). I guess sometimes in this society we want to compare and we want to come out ahead or even, not 'behind'. Well, it is all about perception, isn't it? Annelies will not be behind where it comes to being loved and nurtured, and trying her best to be who she can be. I think that is what counts.

The PT gives us gets excercices to do with Annelies, which tires her out quite a bit (Aaron is really good about doing them with her, so is my Mom. I do them mostly while we are playing, especially during the week since I am not around as much). She lifts her legs up all the time when she lays on her back (see enclosed pic). She is also starting to hold onto her bottle herself. The PT loves this. Most of it sounds like regular baby stuff, and it is, which is SO COOL. She has incredible try in her, she loves to lay on my stomach and lift up her head and smile (she has been smiling a lot, too). She makes all kinds of sounds now. The other really cool thing is that the Doctor is sure that Annelies will (be able to) speak normally. Her palate is shaped normally, and her tongue also. I am sure we will get speech tharapy, but I am very positive about her future.

March 22: Playing Together...Sort Of ;)

Today was the first time Marco and Annelies really kind of interracted. It was cute and surprising to see. Annelies was in her gym thingy (where she has things above her head that she can grab), and Marco was sitting near her head with his piano toy (a somewhat irritating toy that has 5 buttons that play popular tunes, and piano keys -Do to Do, 8 keys- he could actually play a song on if I tought it to him. I am teaching myself so I can teach him). Anyway, Marco hits the popular tunes and then the other keys randomly (we put tape over the speaker so it is not nearly as loud as it used to be). The thing was right near Annelies' head, and she was looking up to Marco (she tracks him always, which is really cool). So she started making noises, just regular baby noises, trying out her vocal cords. Then Marco would imitate her and laugh his little but off. It was so cute. It is neat to see Marco starting to kind of 'play' with her, for as much as that is possible at her age anyway. I took the attached pic on my cell phone to send to Aaron.

March 17th, Back to Work

Back to Work

This week, I went back to work after 4 ½ months of Maternity Leave. This return back was conflicted: I was not thrilled to lose my freedom and go back to the daily grind. What makes it worse is that 60% (!) of my Department has been laid-off or will be by April 17. So, I feel guilty for not really feeling like going back because I should be happy I have a job. Which I am, for as long as it lasts. But I have worked hard and long to establish myself in this job (many of the positions leaving to India are operations type positions) and I am in a project-oriented position, so I am a little safer although no one is safe at this moment. Anyway, this in combination of facing people who now may or may not know about Annelies and who may or may not know how to approach me, or might feel awkward- a feeling I can pick up on immediately- made me a little leary. So far, things have been fine. It has been so nice to see people whom I have not seen for a while. I am still not used to the empty cubicles, especially of those I had a connection with.
An interesting thing happened: I went to the cafeteria and saw a girl who works there who had her daughter right around the time I had Marco (2 years ago). When she and I chatted about our babies when we both came back from maternity leave back then, she had shared that there were some medical concerns for her daughter, including a heart issue for which she needed surgery. So, I ran into her one morning this week and she asked how I was doing and how the new baby is. I told her Annelies was well, healthy, and then told her that she has Down syndrome. This was interesting; I made a split second decision to share this with her, based on a gut feeling that told me it was OK to do so. (Funny how I can pretty quickly seize up a person and just know what/how much to tell them to diminish the impact somehow. )
She told me her daughter has Trisomy8. This means her daughter has 3 of the 8th chromosome replicated to a number (not all) of the cells in her body. So we chatted a little bit until she had to go make a coffee for someone else. [Anyone living with T8 has a mosaic situation (the 3 8th chromosomes are in a group of cells on the body, not all cells. This allows for a large difference in issues someone with this condition has from not visible or not even diagnosed to very serious issues similar to serious health issues found in some who have Ds health and mental-wise.) It is nice to talk to someone who instantly understands, and I could tell the feeling was mutual for her. I want to talk to her more. I also had a nice talk with a colleague who has an older Brother with Ds. Support is everywhere, even in the workplace!
It is also interesting to find things in common with those who have become parents thru adoption. I know 2 women who have done so, and 2 men who are about to. A lot of the feelings they have described to me (not knowing fully what to expect for their child as they do not know the parents, that history. Or the difference because their child does not look like them.) It is funny how our kids, no matter where they come from or how they are created, bring us together in ways we never dreamed but would never change.

March 11: Panera

Aaron and I went to lunch today, while it is still possible for me to be out on a weekday during the day. I go back to work next week. We went to Panera because Aaron has not been there before. I was introduced to Panera during one of my trips to STP, Florida. The hotel I usually stay in has a Panera right in the parking lot. While the hotel offers a decent breakfast buffet every morning, the coffee leaves a lot to be desired, so I trek across the parking lot to Panera for 'real' coffee. I realized at some point that Panera offers a nice menu so decided to take Aaron there. We ordered and found a table. It was lunch time, so the place was packed. The table next to us had 3 women at it, 2 with babies and one about to have a baby. The first thought that ran through my head was: Good for them, they have 'normal' babies. This was not a malicious thought, it was just an involuntary thought. Immediatly I looked at the car seat at my feet from which my Daughter was grinning up at me. As if she was saying: It's Okay. It is all good....It will all be all right. I felt like a bad mom. Guilty. I shared my feelings with Aaron. He listens to me, that is a comfort. He somewhat understands, but does not get himself hung up on thoughts the way I do.
Part of my overreaction at that particular point was due to yet another whole group being eliminated from my department at work. All their jobs are going to India. It is irritating to me, I do not see how this helps our economy. I have no doubt that this was the plan all along anyway, but now with the economy as an excuse, there is reason to do it quicker. I feel bad for those to whom this is a blindside, and for whom that job was the only one in the household. I wish all these people well. I will miss many of them (after almost 9 years of seeing these faces, interacting and working with these people, it is really hard to see most of them go). So I am in a bit of a cynical mood these days anyway.
I understand now that I am still in a bit of a mourning/grieving stage that I have mostly suppressed by keeping busy. Solving problems, getting things arranged and done. I was told at one point that it is good to be practical, but it is important to give myself time for grief when I need it. And not to get too impatient with myself. I guess today, I had a moment like that. Life is interesting. There is much to learn about it and ourselves, and we do this via others. At 3 months old, Annelies is a pretty good teacher. I think she understands more than most will ever realize.

March 2: Annelies is 3 Months Old!

Annelies is 3 months old today. 1/4 of a year. It feels like yesterday- the day she was born. It also feels like I have lived a lifetime. So many emotions and changes, so many adjustments and so many things that turned out so much better, so much more hopeful, than I dared hope on the day she was born. Yes, I still have difficult moments. But I have so much hope and also -recently- confidence for her future. I remember thinking that first day (among so many other morbid, sarcastic thoughts that raced through my head) "Well, we won't have to save for College for this one..." Yet, on our last visit to the Pediatrician she told me about one of her patients, 20 years old who has ds, who goes to College. Guess it is time to open that 529! (For once, procrastination paid off for Marco, since I still have not yet opened his 529. With the Dow below 7K, it is a good time to get into the market!)

Feb 15th: Airport

I like going to the airport. The best occasion for an airport visit is when I go on vacation somewhere, the second best is when I get to go pick up someone. Since we started having kids, the only times I have been to the airport has been to either go on business trips to St Pete, Florida or to pick up family members arriving from NL. (Since this thought went through my head the other day I realized it is time for Aaron and I to go on a trip together, we are planning to do so this fall. More on that in another post).
What I love is that at the airport you see people who were possibly on the other side of the world just 12 hours ago. You see airplanes at the hangar next to one another, one bound for Asia and the one next to it for Europe. People are generally going or coming back from an exciting vacation, or they are visiting California for the first time. There are also those who are in the US for the very first time, to live here. I kind of know how they feel...
Feb 15th finds me at SFO waiting for my Dad and Kathleen. My Dad has been in the US 3 times in the past 2 years. A lot for him! He was here in September with Rogier, and now to meet Annelies, his second grandchild. We take the same flight to 'commute' between Amsterdam to SFO. KL 605/KL 606. Too excited to sleep the night before, I checked to make sure the flight had taken off and was expected to arrive on time. I leave the house at 11, to be at SFO and have the car parked around 1:15. The International Terminal was remodeled a few years back. As I walk from the garage to the terminal I think back over the past 20 years, and how many times I have been to that airport. Too many to count. That is part of being an immigrant, I guess (well, not all people who move here go back as often as I do, probably, or have friends/family come out so often.)
Standing at Gate A (there is A and G, not fully sure what the logic is behind those letter choices, but I am sure there is one...) I look up to see the monitor. Cool new addition- they have monitors that allow you to see the passengers before they even get to the gate. The flight status monitor indicats that the passengers are in customs. Having just had a child, my emotions are a little bit out of whack, and standing next to people reuniting with friends and family members they have not seen for a while, or never seen in cases where grandparents get to meet their small grandchildren for the first time, makes me tear up a little. From happiness of course. The first sign that the reunion is getting closer is the KLM crew. They wear such recognizable outfits. I almost want to thank the pilot for bringing me my family safely (hey, this sounds corny but there have been 2 airplane crashes and that one landing in the Hudson in the past few weeks...). Then come the yellow bags. When you buy something at Schiphol, you get a yellow bag for your purchases. That bag says on it "See, Buy, Fly". It has been that way from the beginning (the 80's). When I start seeing passengers with those bags, I know it is any moment before they are here. My nervousness kind of peaks a little. Will we be OK right away, will there be awkwardnesses? Especially now, with Annelies in our picture. This does not last very long because when they arrive, it is like we just saw each other. It seems to me that when any of my family arrive, we are able to pick up the thread where we left off during our last conversation. I think that is a skill we all learned from living on opposite sides of the world (OK, NL is about 1/3rd across if you want to get technical). The 2 weeks they spend with us go by so fast, as usual. But they give us an opportunity to talk, understand each other even a little better, catch up, and create more lasting memories until the next time one or a couple of us travel across the pond (If you want to get technical again, when you fly to NL you travel across Canada, Greenland, the Greenland Sea,Iceland, the UK and the North Sea.) :)